10 Signs That You Have a Toddler

When you first discover that you're pregnant all these idealistic images start running through your mind of how you will dress your baby, the fun and educational games you'll play and the way all of the baby's belongings will seamlessly match your decor then BAM your dreams and baby become a toddler and your home is filled with the most mismatched, useless crap you can imagine.

If you're not quite sure where you are on the timeline yet or are in fact just in denial that you ARE living the toddler dream here are my 10 signs that you are living with a toddler.

1.     You've acquired a new abstract art collection

2.     You find toys in the most random of places

3.     Broken toys become sacred and if you dare throw them away the curse of a tantrum will be put upon you

4.     You WILL be force fed all kinds of plastic foods and you WILL(pretend) eat them

5.     Peppa Pig and her family have become honorary members of your family

6.     Pets vanish when your toddler enters the room. Today they don't want to         be the subject of a makeover or be dressed up as Super Cat so today they hastily exit.

7.     You have learned the theme tunes to most if not all of the Cbeebies shows

8.     There will be at least that one time in public when your toddler chooses that moment at the top of their voice to ask you why you put those 'nappies' in your knickers or why you shove that 'stick' up your bum

9.     The new decorating you start to find all over the house

10.   Why?.....why, why, why?! All day, every day they ask WHY. Why bloody why?

So there, these are my 10 signs that we have a monster toddler. 

What are your tell tale signs?

Emma xoxo


  1. Oh gosh I remember the first time my then toddler drew on the walls - I was so upset! Thanks to the Magic Eraser it all disappeared :)

  2. I'd have to add mismatched toys to the list! We have so many sets of things that are missing one or more pieces, but I'm not brave enough to just throw them out and incur the wrath of my kids! And they're bound to turn up eventually (probably when the kids are in their teens!)
    And the pets point is spot on. I remember my mum's cats always making a hasty exit as soon as I turned up with my little boy too - and then he'd run after them shouting "cat, cat, CAT!" Poor cats...

  3. All painfully true. Although I found pets would follow the toddlers around hoovering up the trail of discarded snack crumbs as they went ;) Also the instant and eloquent pronunciation of any uttered swear words but they still can't say anything useful... Toddlers are funny.

  4. Oh I am shaking with laughter. Number 8 please no!! It is bad enough at home!! �� Peppa regularly makea her way into conversations as if she lives with us. I thought that was just my son!

  5. Hahahahha this is so funny. I’d add you know you’ve got a toddler when your handbag becomes a pj masks rucksack 😂

  6. I did find myself laughing and agreeing with these. Funny and great post. I am so glad that my daughter is no longer watching Peppa Pig..

    John M

  7. Hahahah...what a great and fun article. Don't have a toddler yet but lets see for sure one day.

  8. Hehe! Yes to all of those especially the Cbeebies songs! I used to be cool and blast out Metallica now it's Mr Bloody Bloom! :)


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