Monday, November 12, 2018

Dirty Little Secrets

Since becoming a mum I often crave just 5 minutes peace or often try to find a shortcut to make some tasks just that bit easier and quicker so here are some of my dirty mum secrets that have kept me going over the last 16 years....

Sometimes I can't be bothered to pick up a piece of rubbish so I leave it and claim that I'm conducting a social experiment to see how long it stays there before somebody else picks it up #lazy

I've been known to say that I am putting the laundry away when in fact I am hiding in my room watching Youtube or catching up on some reality tv #hiding

I'll buy treats when I go shopping and then hide to scoff a chocolate bar or share size bag of crisps whilst palming the children off with a piece of fruit #secreteater

Sometimes in the middle of the night I pretend to be asleep when the little one wakes up and needs to go to the toilet so that Big Sam will get up and do the honours #naughty

When the kids are being particularly annoying I wait until they turn their backs and then pull faces and poke my tongue out at them #mature

Sometimes I'll announce that I need to poo to deter anyone from following me to the toilet where I will in fact no go a poo but scroll through my phone for 10 minutes in peace #sneaky

Sometimes I make plans with people or for the kids to have friends for a sleepover then if they cancel I'm secretly happy  that I no longer have to leave the house or entertain guests #antisocial

When the kids start telling me about a new programme or toy and I'm knackered I'll often be heard using the words 'wow' 'amazing' 'that's good' or similar to feign interest #sly

I'll pretending that I'm treating everyone to a takeaway for dinner when the truth is I just can't be a*sed to cook #topchef

Days that I feel super tired or my back is playing up then I fore go mopping the floor in favour of just cleaning the dirty patches with a baby wipe #wipesforlife

Have you got any dirty mum secrets?

Emma xoxo


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